I may BITE you!

After a long exhausting day at work, I was eager to get home and relax with a glass of wine, but first I had to stop at the supermarket. I pushed my cart up and down the aisles as quickly as I could, grabbing the necessities as I did so. At the end of the second aisle, I almost ran into a young (or maybe not so young) woman. She blocked my path. I tried to manoeuvre my cart around her, but it wasn’t so easy. “Hi, what do you think of my lipstick?” she asked.

“What?”

“My lipstick, what do you think of it?”

I looked at her lips, which were smeared with badly applied deep red lipstick, making her look  like the Joker from a Batman movie. Do I tell her the truth I thought, or do I lie? “Its a very flattering color.” I said, eager to get away. “Oh, I’m glad you like it, its called ‘plush plum’. I sell it, would you like me to order some for you?”

“No thanks,” I said as I pushed my way past her and continued to shop.

“I have blush to match, and nail polish.” Unbelievable, she was following me. I quickened my pace and headed to the check out, even though my shopping wasn’t finished. I just wanted to be away from this woman who seemed hell-bent on selling me cheap make-up.

After paying for my groceries, I ran to my car.

“Wait, wait, would you like a sample?”

Dear god, she had followed me from the store. I opened the trunk and hurriedly put my shopping away. Sensing her presence, I looked up, she was ten feet away from me and closing in. She stood still when she saw me looking at her, and posed like a model, a very grotesque model. At over six feet tall with a manly frame (maybe she was a he) she/it made me feel tiny and vulnerable. Her pants were the color of her lipstick, and much too tight, but at least she was well-coordinated. Her lipstick was smudged even worse now. Her eye make-up was dark and her face too white for the heavily applied ‘plush pink’ blush. The tiny white sweater she wore had a plunging neckline, from which her ample bust attempted to escape. She smiled at me, a smile that sent a shiver down my spine.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to scare you.” she said looking at the fear on my face. I won’t harm you, but if you don’t buy my ‘plush plum’ lipstick…………….

I MAY BITE YOU!

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RIP Heath Ledger

Click on the book cover below to read the reviews on my new novel, you may decide to buy it. 

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