After a long exhausting day at work, I was eager to get home and relax with a glass of wine, but first I had to stop at the supermarket. I pushed my cart up and down the aisles as quickly as I could, grabbing the necessities as I did so. At the end of the second aisle, I almost ran into a young (or maybe not so young) woman. She blocked my path. I tried to manoeuvre my cart around her, but it wasn’t so easy. “Hi, what do you think of my lipstick?” she asked.
“My lipstick, what do you think of it?”
I looked at her lips, which were smeared with badly applied deep red lipstick, making her look like the Joker from a Batman movie. Do I tell her the truth I thought, or do I lie? “Its a very flattering color.” I said, eager to get away. “Oh, I’m glad you like it, its called ‘plush plum’. I sell it, would you like me to order some for you?”
“No thanks,” I said as I pushed my way past her and continued to shop.
“I have blush to match, and nail polish.” Unbelievable, she was following me. I quickened my pace and headed to the check out, even though my shopping wasn’t finished. I just wanted to be away from this woman who seemed hell-bent on selling me cheap make-up.
After paying for my groceries, I ran to my car.
“Wait, wait, would you like a sample?”
Dear god, she had followed me from the store. I opened the trunk and hurriedly put my shopping away. Sensing her presence, I looked up, she was ten feet away from me and closing in. She stood still when she saw me looking at her, and posed like a model, a very grotesque model. At over six feet tall with a manly frame (maybe she was a he) she/it made me feel tiny and vulnerable. Her pants were the color of her lipstick, and much too tight, but at least she was well-coordinated. Her lipstick was smudged even worse now. Her eye make-up was dark and her face too white for the heavily applied ‘plush pink’ blush. The tiny white sweater she wore had a plunging neckline, from which her ample bust attempted to escape. She smiled at me, a smile that sent a shiver down my spine.
“Oh, I didn’t mean to scare you.” she said looking at the fear on my face. I won’t harm you, but if you don’t buy my ‘plush plum’ lipstick…………….
I MAY BITE YOU!
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